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I don't know what I'm looking for. I honestly don't. I thought I did. How can I shake this utter feeling of helplessness and uselessness in my life? How do I shake this feeling of wanting or needing the attention of other people?

I woke up again this morning feeling very down. Why is this happening to me? Is God teaching me a lesson? What am I to learn out of all this? What is to become of my life?

Just when I think maybe I'm over the hump I find myself back in the throes of this darkness and sadness - this endless pit of despair and sorrow. Is this how Jesus felt dying on a cross when He gasped and uttered the faithful words, "Father why have You forsaken me?" In retrospect we all know God didn't forsake Him. This was part of His Divine plan of salvation to save mankind.

Perhaps we all need to experience this feeling of utter helplessness and hopelessness at one time in our lives. Perhaps we all need to feel this feeling of rejection, like everyone has abandoned us. Maybe at this moment is when we look up and realize that we have finally come to the end of ourselves and there's no one else to turn too but God.

"Many times I've been driven to my knees with an overwhelming conviction that there's no one else to turn too." (Abraham Lincoln)

Perhaps at the moment of death is when God becomes alive within us.

Can you imagine the Son of God, alone, bleeding, dying on a cross, alongside of two thieves? Can you imagine what was going through His mind? Admits the stabs of the spears from the Roman soldiers below, the cursing, the jeering and mocking, Jesus hung naked, dying on a wooden cross, a top Calvary's Hill.

Moments before, step-by-step he traversed the stony ground and path that led Him from the Garden of Gethsemane too His execution. A crown of thorns pierced His head. His back bore the markings of 39 lashings from the Roman scourging.

A storybook fable? Hardly. This was the story of love and redemption in full swing. Perhaps this was the ultimate story of love, one that Hollywood has never even been able to script and get right on the big screen.

And here's the climactic irony of it all. Jesus did this for you and I. He took our sins, painfully and willingly. He bore the punishment of our sins so that we can live free forever in eternity with Him.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13 KJV)

Jesus dying on the cross was the ultimate sacrifice for our sins so that we can have eternal life. The Bible said He sweat great drops of blood, agonizing before His Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. In fact the stress upon Him was so great He even asked His Father if possibly this cup could pass from Him. "Nevertheless," He uttered, "Not my will but Thy will be done."

At our deepest darkest moments in life, how do we really know God is there? How do we know that He even cares? Why don't we see Him, hear Him or are able to reach out and touch Him? Perhaps this is where "faith" comes in, believing in something you cannot see, hear, smell taste or touch.

Perhaps there's a place in life which transcends all of our physical senses. A place which transcends all of our knowledge and belief in ourselves and what we think and hold to be true. Perhaps we all need to find that doorway of truth and reality, opening up into another world and realm called, "faith." "Faith in God!"

"Show me a man who has faith in man and I'll show you a man who doesn't know God." (Lawrence R. Cappetto)

Can I really get to a place in life where I don't need anyone? Is this type of thinking even realistic? I know if I can somehow find this place it would mean utter freedom and liberation for me, with complete wholeness and solace.

Can I really fathom the thought of spending every waking moment thinking about God and His plan for my life and my need to get out into the world and show (demonstrate) His love?

We live in a world of distractions, robbing us daily from the truths in life. Our society today looks to Google and Facebook for their superficial relationships and answers to life's questions. What about looking to God and His Word? It must grieve the heart of God to have so many people today looking to the Internet for answers to life's questions and problems and not to Him and His word.

This could become a lonely road should you choose to venture down it. Forsaking all others, it's just you and God, hand-in-hand, walking down the pathway of life and forgiveness. Jesus knew this path and walked it daily on this earth. And we, like Him, are to take up our cross daily and follow Him.

Perhaps this is what it feels like to die daily and to take up my cross and follow Him. We must let go of this life and take hold of His life. The flesh and the unruly mind will fight us every step of the way. Your mind will cry out. Your flesh will feel like it's dying. In quiet desperation you may even find yourself looking up to heaven and crying, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" I should know, for this is my story. I have experienced this first hand. A death, a lonely, painful dying.

Rest assured my beloved, on the other side of death is a higher life, a better life, where the angels rejoice and the love of God reigns supreme. We are all headed for eternity.

PRAYER -- "Father, forgive me for the idols in my life. Forgive me for looking to man and not to You. Help me to trust in You, to believe in You, to know You, and to love only You."

Please watch my video, "A Church Without Walls." Share it with a friend. I would appreciate a referral and am currently taking invitations to speak in churches, at civic and community events, businesses, organizations and schools. Thank you kindly for your help.

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